you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
