her vagine was all disorganized.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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