I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
