i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
