k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
