Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
