did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
