I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
