just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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