I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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