he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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