he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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