anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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