I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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