Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
