You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
