if i died would you start the facebook group?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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