it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
