No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
