my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
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i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
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I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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