i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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