my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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