True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
