In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
