Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Drake has all the answers
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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