remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
