I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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