Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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