alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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