Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
