Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
