she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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