so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
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That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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