brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
