i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize