Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
