he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I miss vodka workout Fridays
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
