Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
