im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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