im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
