Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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