I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
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Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
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My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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