I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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