He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's shark week go big or go home
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
