Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
