I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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