Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
