You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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