paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
that may or may not have been my penis.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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