He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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