After last night, I could never be a politician.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
