bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I understand Curling. That high.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
