I didn't shave. On purpose
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
