singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
