I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize