I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
