Duck Duck Cougar?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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