I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
