Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
