There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize