Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
