I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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