I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
