i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
