onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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