I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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