I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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